recipe for failure

ASO to finals. whoever decided it was a good idea to have 4 tests based on everything learned in a semester in one week's time was seriously deranged. It's a recipe for sleep depravation, failure, and the pre-requisite of illness (which apparently is a state of mind....)

just my opinion. 3 down, one to go. and i have 3 full days to study-- which is great considering i haven't opened the book since the last class (monday i believe?) i took my third today. when i was done, i took my books to the bookstore and sold them back. my two books for only ONE class cost me over 200 dollars originally. money back: 50 dollars. who the fuck is benefiting this much off my education, cause it sure as hell ain't me.

i'm just bitter. i need to be done. and it's not even that i'm eager to go home and see my family, i just want to be done worrying, done always feeling guilty for not studying. i hate being stressed, and although i loved camp, i was stressed continuously. which means that except for maybe a cumulative total of 1 month, i have been stressed for over a year. that's not healthy. and from bio molecualr chem, i learned that chronic stress produces cortisol-- the body's mechanism for packing on the pounds? at least i've figured why i've gained hmmm 15 poundsish?

but that's no excuse. lol. i'm just ready to kick it. december 23-- FINALS 2 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS. that hardly gives me time to de-stress before the big day. let alone shopping. what am i supposed to do though. i like the in-state tuition and the big 10 school. it's just hard reading facebook statuses of everyone, LITERALLY EVERYONE complaining about how bored they are? give me a break. i'd trade with you any day. i used to like school, look forward to learning new things, but everyone needs a break. i need to relax. i need a back massage. hehehe.

unresponsiveness

not getting a response from someone sucks. especially when you think for a long time about what you should say and how to say it. for example, when you like a boy. you think for hours upon end about if you should text them in the first place, and then if-- IF you decide the answer is yes, you think about what you're going to say. once it's all said and done, you send the text, expecting a text back sometime soon. after all, you did just agonize for hours as to if you should send the text in the first place.

i've heard it's only girls who do this, and the self-consious ones at best, but i'm almost thinking that anyone who thinks they could lose, would think about what they are going to write, how they are going to communicate before they do. that's how human nature works. no one wants to have their foot in their mouth-- feet just aren't that clean.

however, i think my problem is just my phone. some weird things have been happening lately, so i believe it's safe to assume my mobile device is the one at fault-- not the people i've been trying to correspond with. at least i hope that's what's up...

college play day?

16 inches of snow in one night. i believe this constitutes a snow day. at least for any elementary, middle, or high school it does. college on the other hand, are there such things as snow days? it's hard to believe that something of the sort could exist, especially in wisconsin where winter is expected, glorified. however, it happened. we had a snow day in college! first one since 1978. and it was great.

there were rumors beginning around 10am of the great snowfall to come. i didn't believe it. i thought there might be a foot of snow, but never 16 inches, and never a snow day. i could remember my freshman year, trudging up the hill, pissed off becasue all of the other schools had closed, including the other college in town. yet my school, my university was too good to close. i was not going to get my hopes up again.

in my weather class, the TA spoke of this huge storm forecasted for exactly our town. he was excited, saying it was a sure thing, but meteorologists are never correct, so again, i wasn't believer. i did, however, begin to hope. i wanted a snow day. my hopes were over thrown by him intervening, telling us he'd LOVE a snow day, but not at our institution. i left feeling discouraged, ready for break.

my friends kept talking. it wasn't helping the situation. my teachers and professors were hopeful too, probably because they didn't want to teach another class. that evening, i made my dinner and turned on my television show, only to realize i'd have to begin my homework within the next 30 minutes.

then my friend texted me. she told me there was a snow day the following day. i could not believe it and still thought it was a joke. only this morning, we had been talking about a possible snow day, but there's no way in hell they'd ever call it the night before, before the snow had even fallen! i texted her back asking her how she knew, and she directed me to the school website.

it took forever to load, probably due to the overuse of eager college students all wanting to read the good news with their own eyes. sure enough, school was canceled for the following day, and to top it off, all non-essential jobs were cancelled too! i didn't have to go into work! i was over joyed, and began texting everyone i knew to brag about my new findings.

i spent the joyous evening alone, watching trashy television and eating popcorn. while everyone else was downtown, i was nestled in my living room, armed for a night of peaceful relaxation. and that's exactly what i got for the next 24 hours. other than clearing off my car (which took my roommate and i about an hour working together!!) i stayed inside, watching television and sleeping. it was the perfect way to start the downward spiral of finals.

i'll probably never get a snow day again in my life, but the one i had was pretty damn great!

it all works out

here i am, sitting in my apartment on a saturday night at 1:29am listening to the unplayed songs on my itunes. life has an interesting way of working itself out. i believe that in the end, things will be okay. i am not an idealist, i see the problems and the world and acknowledge them instead of pushing them to the side, but as i've seen it thus far, things work out. they might not be as expected, but they work out.

personally, my life has been pretty good. i have had some hard things, but nothing compared to the stories of others. my problems mostly stem from things that could have been avoided-- an ex-boyfriend who i am still in love with because i won't let him go, a test i failed because i didn't study enough, a job i didn't get because i didn't take the time to write a good cover letter, friends who aren't any more because i don't put the effort in the relationship. family members have passed away, but that's part of the circle of life, and if i'm here, they did their job. i am sad they are gone, and i'll always wish i had more time to talk, to laugh, to grow, but i don't, and really, i need to be thankful for the time i had. it sucks when someone dies, but life must go on- eventually anyhow.

lately, i've been doing well. school is shaping up, and i am finally getting a hold of the things that matter in life, the relationships, the attributes. yes, i'd really love an iphone, but if i don't get one, it's not a huge deal. i have a cell phone that works, that functions, and more importantly, i live in a society where i can use it. i can pay the bills and get the reception i need (which is good considering they took out all of the pay phones), but the point is, that i am usually so caught up in my day to day life, i don't stop to think about how good i really have it, how my problems are miniscule compared to other peoples.

it works out, eventually. pray. eat. sleep. pray.

right now

my second anatomy test is tomorrow, and i am scared. i am nervous. i did an awful job on the first one and i have studied a lot for this one, but there are no guarantees. i never know what is right and what is wrong. i have been studying this material every day for the past 2 weeks, and before that, i had kept up on the material. i am afraid of what i will receive on the test, but i will go to the room tomorrow and take the test. i am much more prepared than i was for the first test, but that does not mean i will get what i need to get to succeed. i know that in life, this test does not matter, but right now, i am nervous, and right now, i cannot stop thinking about how i will perform.

time to study!

no connection

the big difference between high school and college for me is the class sizes. i am in multiple classes of 500 people, and it's strange not personally knowing the teachers. i frequently send e-mails with questions. the professors are usually polite and respond quickly with the answers. then i stay after class and ask them more questions. they never put the name to the face. no one knows who i am, and no one knows how hard i am trying to succeed except me. if i ask the teachers for a favor, they will say no since we don't have any personal experiences-- even though we have been communicating over e-mail and after class multiple times.

it's just weird to me. i know the professors, yet they have no idea who i am. there is no connection. it's almost like a ghost student, asking them these questions. in class, if they remember my face, it's a nameless face, and over e-mail, it's a faceless name. i went up into lecture friday and asked a question i had asked over e-mail. the teacher mentioned she had gotten an e-mail regarding the same subject... i guarantee that e-mail was from me.

whatever. someday i will be in a situation where people will know who i am-- at least the people i am directly working with. i will not be a number, a nameless face, a faceless name.

hard start

i have tutored before. today i experienced something quite different. the school was the same, cheerful amongst a dreary and cold day, but the experience that followed was tiring and uncontrollable. it was difficult and i hadn't realized i'd be working with anyone like this.

the volunteer coordinator walked me to the 3rd grade class room. we met the teacher who seemed worn out. she told us my student had been sent to the office for bad behavior-- not something that had even crossed my mind. we walked to the office to meet an adorable little boy. we said hi, and he glanced up and then went right back to his puzzle. the principal asked us to go into his office. we sat at the table and talked about my role. while this was going on, instead of sitting at the table listening, or at least sitting, the boy was running around the office, climbing on chairs and desks. the principal thought it'd be a good idea to have the boy give me a tour of the school, so he sent me out in to the vast school without giving me any background on the boy.

we left, and as soon as we were out of eye sight of the office, the boy ran off. he ran up the stairs and i had no idea where he was. this was scary. they had just given me this kid, and already, he was lost. i stumbled into the cafeteria and peered around, hoping my student was in the room. he jumped out and scared me. this was not going to be easy, but i stayed patient. he talked with me for no more than 2 seconds and was racing away again. finally i told him to sit down, and he did. i asked him if he wanted me there. he said he did, but i wasn't sure. again, he was having me do many things. this kid was clever and more manipulative than any 8 year old i'd ever met.

we settled on a game of kickball. not sure i was supposed to be doing that, but it was the only thing that kept us in the same room. we played until i was tired, and then we played for about 15 more minutes. a teacher came in and asked us to go up to her room. i told her we'd be up there soon. when i told my student to head on up, he raced out of the gym. i, of course, had no idea where to go, so i climbed the stairs and looked around until i found the woman.

we sat at the table, watching the student pay with animals. finally, the bell rang, and he bolted out of the room. i stayed later, completely feeling like i had not helped at all. i was so confused, i had no idea how to help this child. being his friend was not really an option since he couldn't stay seated long enough to talk to me.

as it turns out, he's had a rough background. i'm not sure why the school gave him to me, but they did. i need this kind of exposure, and i'm sure it'll get better. it's always going to be a challenge, and i need to establish some kind of order, or at least let him know i'm the boss, but we'll get there.

lastly, about 15 minutes ago, i received an e-mail from the volunteer coordinator telling me i should be happy and have fun volunteering-- well between you and me, i did not have fun. i was worried the kid was going to run away from the school, and he was rude and loud and i had no idea how to make him happy or even listen to me. the entire time i was there, i was temped to leave, just say i couldn't handle it. but, the truth is, with all the things this kid has been though, the last thing he needs is for someone else to give up on him. so i won't. i'm going back tomorrow, it might be better, but most likely not. i signed up to make a difference, now i just need to accomplish it.

sunny attributes

it's been dreary and cold for days, and i've been waking up the my alarm clock instead of the sun pouring into my window. today, finally the sun came out. it was incredible, and it felt amazing. i have been wearing winter coats and sweatshirts. today, i wore a t-shirt. it was liberating and completely renewed my point of view. and this many sound strange, but i got the motivation to go home and study, which is good considering i have an anatomy test soon and i need to study for it.

all i'm sayin' is that it's so great to see the sun amongst so many cloudy and depressing days. not that i've experienced this, but i've heard that places like seattle have a million cloudy and rainy days. i'm not so sure i could handle that type of weather day after day.... i love where i live, even with the rain. the sunny days make it all okay.

deyarmond edison

i had lyrics in my head. i could not place them, i couldn't remember what song they came from but i knew i had to listen to that song. i knew the band was a local, from my home town and i had an idea on who the genius was behind the beautiful song, but i didn't know what it was called. i searched for the lyrics in google, hoping it could assist my search and narrow down the song that was continuously playing in my head.

i typed "and if i was god, this isn't even something that i could create". i was not sure those were the words and when nothing came up on google, i was almost to the point of thinking i had thought up the song myself. i kept searching, playing through every single deyarmond edison song on my itunes. i finally found it. the song that was on repeat in my head was called "the lake" written by deyarmond edison.

as it turns out, the song is even more incredible than i could remember. justin vernon has a very soothing voice. in his newer stuff, his voice is high, in his altimiso range, and while it seems to serve him very well for bon iver, he truly has a very frank sinatra ish voice. very deep and simply soothing. i love the entire song beginning with the percussion intro to the lyrics about what i can only assume is long lake in new auburn, wisconsin.

the song brings be back to my childhood at camp manitou and makes me remember all the amazing times i had there with friends and family alike. that camp was a second home to me and i can remember justin up there, before all his fame and fortune, singing to all of camp his amazing and thoughtful pieces.

however, the lake also makes me think of my future. it reminds me of the simple things in life and tells me to leave part of my life in the hands of higher power. this song is, at the present time, forcing me to slow down and take in the free things. justin and the other members of the band obviously have an attachment to this lake. they received something from this piece of land that is magical. i can only hope to find something as wonderful from something so pure and untouched in my life.

i am glad these lyrics were running through my head, and i have been listening to the lyrics non stop since i figured out who it was by.

life is short. take it one day at a time, and stop to look and appreciate the little things. it'll make like much better, less stressful. and all together happier.

happiness, success, and money

"what's money... a man is a success if he gets up in the morning, goes to bed at night, and in between does what he wants to do" -bob dylan

this quote is good. i work in an exploration center where students can come in, ask questions about majors and careers and ultimately, try and figure out what the next step is in their life. it's a good place, and that is the quote we have up.

now, if i told this to my dad, he'd ask me how i was going to pay the bills, and eat food, and afford the luxuries of life, but i'm thinking that if i choose a job that i love to do, i'm going have a good life. i guess the real goal is happiness. if i can find that, if i can find something that makes me genuinely happy and can surround myself with good people, i feel that i will have succeeded.

i believe i'm on the right track. i want to help people, i like medical things, and hospitals make me happy because they never shut down. i have the personality to make the best out of nasty situations, but i do not want to be 'making the best' out of a job i hate.

success isn't easy, it's something you have to work for. and maybe i'm too idealistic or naive, but i feel like once i find something i truly love doing, the rest of my life will fall into place. i will have enough money to get by and be happy. the struggles along the way will only prove to make me stronger.

i am already convinced that i can do this. i know that if i put my mind to something, nothing can stand in my way of getting what i want... again maybe too naive, but i'm working for a goal, and someday, i will be able to tell people i've accomplished it.

utterly repulsive

last year i got a text from my roommate that read something like "the kid sitting next to me in lecture is sneezing all over me and wiping snot all over his coat". i was grossed out and glad i was not my roommate in that lecture hall. of course, each and every one of us has been in a similar position of either the patron next to the sick patient or the patient itself.

i had almost forgotten about this text, and thought that swine flu along with the common cold were away from me on campus, until i sat next to my classmate in our small 20 person class. the boy next to me has been yelled at numerous times for random things, but i never thought of him as 'unsanitary'-- at least i had no reason to believe this statement was true. he, like most people, sneezed in the middle of class, into his hand. then, unlike any 18 year old with common sense or a respect for hygiene of kind, wiped his hand full of snot all over the table he was seated at. it took this kid muptiple wipes to get all of the snot off his hand. then he went back to listening as though nothing had happened. i had been listening, but after i witnessed this grotesque act, i could not longer focus all of my attention on the professor. i wanted to get out of the room, and wash my hands, i wanted to get some kleenex for the kid, i wanted some bleach for the table. i looked around the room, hoping someone else had seen this act of germ spreading, but no one had seen it.

later in the class, we were going over some sheets we were supposed to print of the internet. the kid with the bad habits next to me had not printed off the sheets. furthermore, he volunteered to read, and took my papers, grasping them tightly in his hands, basically intoxicating them with his snot and germs. again, i was repulsed. i held my breath for the remaining 15 minutes of class, and as i left, i sanitized and washed my hands thoroughly.

most people stay home when they are sick, but in college, you miss a lot of information if you skip even one lecture. it's not as easy as those 'sick days' allotted by most work places. if your nose is literally running all over your clothes and on to the people next to you, you, sir, are allowed to miss class and get better! however, if you are immature enough to first sneeze in your hand and then proceed to wipe it all over brand new tables, you need to go back to kindergarten and learn how to both sneeze in your elbow and use a kleenex, or at the very least, ask if you are able to leave the class room and attend to some sanitation business.

everyone gets sick, it's life, and one cannot control it. but how you deal with it, how you react when you do sneeze all over yourself, those are things you can control. be a good citizen. and when you think no one is watching, you're wrong. i guarantee it.

clean streak

again, i made my to-do list for the day. i actually accomplished a large amount of it, but as always, i got side tracked.

when my roommate and i moved in, we went to target and bought a ton of cleaning products (which were quite expensive..) and have basically not used them for the almost 2 months we've been living here, and every time i walk into the bathroom, i am aware of this.

i was so bored with reading and studying chemistry and anatomy and all of my other classes, that i was brought to to act of cleaning. i first cleaned the sink, then the toilet and the window sill and the shower and the floor and took out the trash and bought in the vacuum (which did not work AT ALL) and did the dishes and cleaned the counter. my apartment looked so different and so clean. the dust was gone, the junk on the floor (the part i swept) was gone, the sink was clean and had no scum. and no matter how much i hate cleaning at home, it actually made me feel good and accomplished to do it here.

i think there's something very rewarding about making your house a home (or in my case, an apartment). it feels right and clean, and whenever i'm doing homework in a dirty place, i get side tracked by thinking about how i need to clean. and the thing about my room (not so much the rest of the house) is that it gets dirty in a matter of hours. i frequently change clothes and throw things on the floor, and it gets messy. most of my stuff is under my bed or in some place out of sight when the room is clean, but i can always find ways in which i need to use the things 'out of sight' in my room...

so try it. when you are bored, or need a break, try cleaning. i know it's something your mother always told you to do- and that you HATED doing it, but i promise, i'll make you feel better. there's something amazing about having a clean space, a space that's picked up. i'm not the kind of person who needs it clean all the time, i am a slob, but cleaning up does make me feel better.

anything but homework, right?

autumn

on most days, leaving my apartment before 730 in the morning would be drag, but this morning, it felt almost liberating. getting up was not fun, and when my alarm went off at 7 instead of 6, i was a bit flustered and confused, but i prevailed and got ready in a timely fashion.

walking out the door, i smelled something that can only be described as liberating, fresh, new. the smell in my apartment is not bad-- my roommate and i bought those glade scented wall fresheners that smell like winter and christmas (and that has always been a favorite time of mine). but outside, the earth was speaking.

i read all of these things about saving the environment and not letting global warming consume the beautiful resources the earth has to offer. i appreciate walking to class and fresh smells. and even though it was cold this morning, the air offered more than anything i can ask for. it was the relief i needed. and i'm glad that even though i live in the down town district of a large metropolitan city, that i can still experience the goodness autumn has to offer.

thank you god!

broiling...

at home, i broil food all the time. it is the quickest and easiest way to cook something. i broil vegetables, chicken, and lots of other things, but in my apartment, whenever i put the broiler on, the fire alarm goes off.

tonight i was trying to make some crispy vegetables, and i set off the alarm probably about 5 times. there was not even smoke in the air. my neighbors are probably thinking i am crazy, because last night i found out the walls are extremely thin. i'm surprised i haven't heard much from the others. maybe i just have my music up so loud i can't hear anyone else over my noise. anyway, cooking is not going the way i thought it was going to go.

i tried to make soup last night. it was going to be very tasty... but then i poured in the garlic salt instead of sprinkling it in, and it was gross! i tried to drain it, and it didn't work at all. the taste is even worse because i decided to add salsa that i wanted to get rid of to my soup. i didn't like the salsa because it tasted like shit... so why i decided to add it to my soup, i have no idea. but i did. and it ended up tasting like the salsa. i ended up draining all of it and freezing it. i'll cook it with chicken, and hopefully the taste will dissipate and end up being yummy. nevertheless, i'll be eating it.

life without facebook is difficult-- i am constantly wanting to go online, but i can't. my roommate has my password and i can't ask her for it less than 24 hours later. i'm going to ask for it this weekend, but then next week, she's back at it. studying is going okay. i figured out that i can get an okay grade in my class if i get 100% on the rest of my tests. i'm not sure that will happen, but i'm going to try. it's going to get better, and i can do it.

disconnecting

after receiving a truly awful grade on my anatomy exam, i am taking it upon myself to be removed from temptation such as facebook. i spend hours on this pointless website harvesting crops on farmville, stalking friends' photos, reading wall to walls and writing on other people's walls. i love the site, i love the communication, but with my passion for nursing, i need to get good grades in anatomy along with my other classes, and wasting time on facebook is just not the way to do it.

i am frequently writing about how to become self motivated-- well i think i've finally figured it out. if you get a bad grade in something you care about, it will do one of two things to you: either make you so upset and angry that you quit and give up OR motivate you to try harder for next time and combat it. luckily, my bad grade has done the second of each to me, and i take it upon myself to change the situation. if i get 100% on both of the other tests, i will end up with a decent grade in the class... and in order to get that grade, i need to study like my life depended on it- and in a sense, it does.

so anyway, i'm disconnected. i was in the midst of some conversations and wall writings when i could no longer participate. i had realized my friend had gone onto my account and changed my password. i am no longer who i say i am. i'm disconnected- out.

cheers y'all. i'll be back with a slight increase in grades and a shit ton of motivation.

i. hate. tests.

okay-- really, why are exams given? i understand the whole concept of knowing the information, but i believe that there are other ways, more defining and less scary ways of testing this knowledge. students study like crazy 2 days before an exam, cramming insane amounts of facts and memorizing specifics that they will forget mostly all of only 1.5 days later.

i do not understand. i love class. i love lectures and even the readings and work books are interesting to me. i love learning and i think that my anatomy and biomolecular chemistry classes are actually pretty fun and meaningful for the most part... it's the studying and agonizing and memorizing i don't care for.

seriously, how many students are screwed over because they are terrible test takers, or better yet and probably more common, horrible studiers. studying is not easy, and it's not really fun unless you believe that memorizing carbon groups and the specific parts of every bone in the body are entertaining. i do not. i like learning it the first time, even filling out maps or coloring it in, and using it in every day life would be great-- in fact, i have no doubt i'd learn it much faster in an environment that condones that-- being a student does not. my friends do not understand when i tell them that i need to work on my lateral obliques because my medial ones are alright, and i believe the the superior ones are better, but the inferior ones still need a lot of work... really not something used in every day language.

now those med schools, they know how to bring in their doctors. teaching anatomy alongside working with patients and doing clinicals-- or at least having a lab along with the class would be so much better, easier to understand, something practical. i would retain the information much better than learning it simply out of a text book. i just hate tests and testing and how it makes people. i see my best friend break down because she has so much information to jam into her head for her test... and really, it's information that will do her no good in life, at least not anything i can see for the future she's hoping for.

i know life isn't easy, and i know it's survival of the fittest and in this case, survival of the students with the photographic memory, but is that really how life should be? humans are the superior race, what are we competing for?

a bit overwhelmed

i could say i'm a 'bit overwhelmed'-- but that'd be quite the understatement. i am completely and utterly behind in school with the test that defines my future on friday. i have not finished the work book, i have not copied the slides and i have not memorized. i am completely unprepared and not ready for this exam.

alas, i'm blogging because i'm at work, unable to study. this is good for me though. everybody needs balance in their life, and so from going between work and school, i kind of get a 'built in break' for both. it's good. i like work. the people are sweet and i feel like i am genuinly helping, however i am extremely excited about the prospect of being a nurse and helping people that way. i started watching this new tv show (i know i know... exactly what i need to fill up my life) and it makes me want to be there even more. although, the whole school thing was kind of giving me a run for my money...

my brother is coming thursday night, which is amazing, but also stressful because of my test. i really need to just crack down and do it. i need to ban internet from my apartment along with phone, televison, kitchen and everything else i could do. i need to be in solitary confinement with only my anatomy text book, my work book and my notebook. i feel if that happened, i would actually accomplish things. hahaha. this is pathetic. i should be able to sit down and get shit done. i probably could-- my attention span is just so short. i can only really concentrate on something if i really like it ANDD if i'm not pressured to do it. so school is basically OUT OF THE QUESTION. well, studying anyway.

but i need to get better, and chances are that when the test is here, i will be ready. but again, no promises. for the time meaning, i am sitting in my desk chair thinking about all the stuff i need to get done, with no time to do it-- and that's always productive, right?

old buildings

elementary schools have a particular feeling-- something familiar and loving. a place to grow, make mistakes, a place to make life long friends and learn, a community full of people who've devoted their lives to make you succeed in yours. elementary schools are warm, happy, bright and feel like home.

when i walked in today, i loved it. i thought of the idea as i was finding my way back home after volunteering at a middle school. i guess i wanted something closer to my apartment, so i decided to check out the volunteer status. the building was old, reminding me of the movie matilda. i loved it and found my way to the office. i inquired about the volunteer opportunities and found out they were looking for more people!

as i was filling out the volunteer form, the principal noticed my shirt which was the advertising for an event held in my hometown, and he told me he ran in the race. we started talking (he was extremely personable) and turns out he knows my dad. i was even more excited to begin helping out now because the school became even more like home-- it felt like i was home. i talked to the volunteer coordinator (a volunteer himself, and someone who completely reminded me of my grandfather- large belly, white beard, super smile, extremely nice) and we spoke about when i would come in. afterwords, he gave me a tour.

i felt apart of something. i felt apart of the community and i'm super excited to start helping.

motivation-- goals.

good grades = higher gpa

higher gpa = better chance of nursing program

better chance of nursing program + bet admissions essay = nursing admission

nursing admission = registered nurse

registered nurse = goals met

speaking of goals met, i have worked out 3 times. i changed my running thing from being an amazing runner, to simply working out 5 to 6 times a week. it's getting better, and still good for me. it'd probably be more effective if i didn't eat half a thing of ice cream every night, but soon that'll run out, and i'll make my roommate not let me get anymore, and then the workouts will improve everything. and running will become easier. i know. i learned it in my biomolecular chemistry class... as it turns out, i am learning valuable information in that class. it's quite sweet, and i think i did well on the test. tomorrow, i have the class again, so no doubt he'll be talking about the results. it felt good when i turned it in... so hopefully that actually translates directly to the grade i receive??

along with reaching goals, i took out my sax tonight. i was a little rusty-- okaay ookay, a lot rusty, but to my aid, i did not give my all because my roommate was trying to study for ochem and i didn't want to ruin her concentration. i ordered stuff online for my sax though, so i will be practicing and reach my goal of getting at least to where i was in high school, which was pretty high. i mean i went to new york-- yeah, i was just that good... or the band i was in was. hahaha. i love sax. and i miss it. and i need to keep with the things that make me happy.

goals are good. set your own-

"in 1964, all members of the harvard business school graduating class stated that they have, at graduation, clear goals that they want to accomplish in life. among them, 5% took the time to write it down on paper. in 1984, a follow up study was done and it was discovered that 95% of those who wrote down their goal were able to achieve them within 20 years. among the 'lazy' majority, only 5% of them were able to reach their expected goals."

write them down. it never hurts.

SO to only being able to think in so's

key: 'so' stands for shout out

it is a tradition to get the wednesday paper before class and read through the shout out section. they pick the best ones of the last week, usually about 'coasties' and ex-boyfriend/girlfriends, and freshman and other annoying/funny/ironic commentaries on 'society'. it brightens my day to hear the misfortunes/happinesses of other people's lives. SO's are sarcastic, short, simple, and to the point. they make class more bearable and make me laugh when my day is stressful, boring, or needs something extra.

literally today, my thoughts were in SO's. this is pathetic. i used to think in terms of facebook statuses, but now that i'm more sarcastic era of thought, i've switched. and no joke, when i walked to class as well as walked home, the heavens above decided to bring the torrential downpour and seriously make up for lack of rain the past 21 days. in one day, we got 3.89 inches of rain... making up for the 2.5 inch deficit in september, and now having a large record, not only in my city, but surpassing the records of the state. anyway, my windows do not portray the world as it is, so i did not notice the large amounts of rain.

i went outside with my umbrella, which broke my freshman year, and waited for the bus to get to class. on the way there, i got severely soaked, but since i was able to sit in a lecture hall for 2.5 hours, i nearly dried off. then back to the rains, noticed the bus did not come for another 15 minutes, and too lazy to wait, i walked home in the rain. on the way home, i realized not only are the spokes from my umbrella broken, but there are holes in my umbrella. it is not water proof, and my face, hair, jacked and backpack which were all under the umbrella also became quickly soaked. this only compliments the rest of my body including my pants, socks and shoes. (i did see girl wearing flip flops... now really- it's a fucking down pour, get some proper attire... even some athletic shoes.) i came home and changed in my room, only to realize a large wet spot on my bed. my ceiling was leaking, and since this is the first time it's rained since i've been here, i just noticed it. ugh!! i called the landlord, who said he'd send someone over. sure enough, 5 minutes before i had to work, someone came over. i left for work (so i have no idea if he actually did anything, but lets hope for my sake he did) and tried for my rain jacket this time, but it has no beak on it, so my glasses got wet. in an effort to avoid this, i tried holding my hood forward which facilitated the rain to enter my jacket through my sleeve. alas, i arrived late and soaked for my job which today was an open house. i had to greet people in my wet state and tell them how cool the place where i worked was. wahoo! (i really do love it, the beginning of today was just a little rough..)

anyway, here's my SO list.

- ASO (anti shout out just in case you didn't get it...) to my umbrella who decides to let me know TODAY that it has holes in it.

- SO for the rain not deciding to be snow yet..

- ASO for my meteorology TA for telling us yesterday in class about the 21 day dry steak and informing us that it was going to continue another few days at least... i guess you didn't notice the huge rainstorm due for all day today!

- SO for only being able to think in so's

- ASO for my ceiling trying to be the match maker between the torrential rains and my bed. it's going to make for a wet night...

- SO to my roommate for making me work out*, and me resisting to the point that she actually DROVE me to the gym herself. (*i did tell her to make sure i went and do everything to make sure i go)

good day sunshine

the beatles wrote "good day sunshine." probably just words they came up that went with the chords while they were jamming with their friends. however, couldn't be more true than my life today. when i woke up, the clouds were out, streaming around the sky. it was cold, humid, and felt like rain. now we could use rain because as i found out today in my oceanic and atmospheric science class, we have not had rain in 21 days, but because of my recent breakdown regarding biomolecular chemistry, i was hoping for a sunny day.

sure enough, later in the day, after my depressing class on racism, the sun came out. my day began to brighten. my biomolecular chemistry discussion clarified some of the points i had been missing last night, and i found someone who wants to study with me tonight in lu of the grand exam tomorrow. then the TA for my next class lectured and he was funny. comedic lecturers always make the class time pass in a way that's manageable, along with enjoyable. i think i might have actually retained the information spoken of in that lecture. another class down and quite interesting... it also ended a few minutes early which helped me to catch the bus over to the medical building- securing my punctuality to my last two classes of the day.

here i am, writing my blog and in quite a good mood because of the sunshine. now i'm not 100% sure that was the sole provider of my happiness, but one this is for certain- those beatles, not matter how drugged up they were, knew something about the direct correlation between good days and sunshine.

help please

after careful review upon my biomolecular chemistry practice quiz, i've come to the conclusion that i have no idea what is going on in that class- which sucks because i thought i was absorbing the material quite well. the practice quiz is next to impossible, plus there is no key, so for all i know i could be getting the answers wrong. and to make matters worse, we had homework due on thursday. i needed help on it, so i asked the TA's after class, and one of them told me she could help me. i went to her, and she didn't know how to do the problem. she looked over all my homework, and said it looked good, and then i checked my answers against the correct ones, and mine were wrong. i am so nervous. i already have a 25% chance with getting into the nursing program, and if i don't do well in this class, it's going to be even less. i'm just not having a good night. i don't know how to study for this test. it's on tuesday, and my mondays are awful with class for 8 hours! i know i signed up for this, but it's not fun and i'm stressed. i don't know what to do. i need some major help to kick me into shape.

i went running today. it was super hard. i am not a runner, but i want to run in a marathon- which involves me becoming a runner. i went for 20 minutes, running for 1.5 minutes, and walking for 3.5 minutes. even that was difficult for me. i think it'll get easier. my plan is to get up every morning (or just get out of bed when i 'naturally' wake up) and go running then. that way it's out of the way for my day, i'm awake, and getting exercise. if i do this every day (or 4-5 times a week) and keep pushing up the running time, i'll be a runner in 9 weeks... according to an internet site. then i can join the running club, and in a few semesters, i'll take the marathon class. my goal is set, written down, and far off- attainable. i'm going for it. and i know, it'll come true. just like my goal for my nursing degree. someday, my work will have paid off.

and just for the record, i've been doing homework all day... aside for my 20 minutes grocery shopping and my 1.5 hour movie. i'm proud of myself. i accomplished a lot.... now i just need to master biomolecular chemistry. wish me luck!

poppin' corn

it's a known fact that everybody loves movie theater popcorn. wether it's knowing that if you get the large, you can get free refills, or the taste of real butter rather than that junk they put in the microwave popcorn. point is, everyone loves it, and buying popcorn (no matter how much of a rip off it may be) is part of a complete movie experience. and tonight, my roommate and i got to experience it. most amazing thing ever!

we searched online for movies- we wanted a romantic comedy- something to make us laugh and say 'awww, that's cute'. we found the proposal. one of the greatest movies i'd seen all summer. i got to experience the funniness with my campers- laughing my ass off while cringing because i knew the movie was so not appropriate for them. hahahah. but we found this theater that was not too far away, and we drove to it to catch the 720 movie. we got there and realized it was a huge establishment of budget theaters!! an adult night showing ticket was only 3 dollars! for me, my night was already made, but it kept getting better.

we went to the popcorn line. my roommate decided she wanted a slushy, but the machine was broken. i told her to get one anyway, but she was too embarrassed to ask the guy to fix it just for her. LOL. the guy was cute, but probably in high school, and i'm not really into the whole 'dating younger men' thing. plus, i feel like when i asked for the large popcorn with butter, he was probably kind of put off.

we split the large popcorn, and laughed for the entire 2 hour movie. it was just what i needed- something that would get my homework and test off my mind. however, tomorrow is sunday, and after that is monday, and school is on monday, so on my sunday, i'm going to need to get some serious shit done. pedal to the metal dude...

anywhere but here

i am sitting in college library on a friday night. why? because i am behind in all of my classes because i choose to watch television, sleep, go to club meetings, hang out with friends, and cook rather than study. i do find it a bit pathetic though, sitting in a library on a friday night, not even that far into semester because i already cannot find the patience within myself to sit my ass down and study!

as i sit here, taking my anatomy notes which i neglect to take every lecture (simply because there are too many, not because i'm LAZY), i am aware of the third season of WEEDS sitting beside my computer, well aware that when i leave the library at some god-awful time, i will be able and free to watch any or all of the season in my three day span of renting the three-disk DVD set. i know that should not be on my mind. i know i should be concentrating on my notes, on my workbook that i have not begun yet, on my test that i have tuesday in my biomolecular chemistry class that i will without-a-doubt fail if i do not get my ass off the couch and do some serious studying, but alas, i'm blogging instead of doing all the above (which includes watching WEEDS... i guess i do have some self control.. LOL).

tomorrow is another day, another chance for me to either do my homework to get the grades i want that will get me into the nursing program that will get me to my profession of choice that will lead me to meeting a rich, sexy single doctor, that will lead us to marrying that will lead me to along life of happiness and bliss... OR i could volunteer at the stadium during the badgers vs. wofford football game in the sea of red, receive a FREE t-shirt for doing it, have fun, and possibly meet the man of my dreams.

we shall see what i choose. i like to see my options, and leave them wide open for the world to decide. but basically, i'd really rather be doing anything, anywhere rather than sitting in college library on a friday night studying. boo!

tell them

i love you. three simple words. they mean the world to some people, break it for others. those three little words, three easy words, are not said enough in this world of hatred, war, fighting. in america, our divorce rate is over 50%. that's not to say that simply saying these words would change that, but people need to feel loved, they need to feel affirmed. there's this book called "the 5 languages of love" it speaks about the 5 different ways people show love. i took the test, and i show love through words of affirmation and personal touch, so i might be a little bias in this post, thinking that people need to hear these words, but i do believe it's true.

always know that accidents happen and lives are lost. it's always tragic, wether they were sick for a long time, or it happened in an instant. letting that person know you care, letting them know how much you love them is always better than not. in america, there is forward thinking. people are always rushing, running ahead to the next step. what is more important than family, than relationships. it takes 3 seconds to say 'i love you' and a lifetime to regret it.

realize now what you have, appreciate your parents, appreciate the necessities, but know that people are always more important than belongings. money alone does not make people happy. you need someone to share it with. know that the people in your life love you and that they want you to succeed. know that people will help you, and don't be afraid to ask if you need something. don't feel like you can do it alone, because you can't, and most importantly, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. god set up support systems, he made us able to form relationships to help both ourselves and others. send your thank-you notes along with random "you're sweet" notes. tell people you care. it'll change your day, their day, and your outlook on life.

goodness of humankind

i am afraid of walking around madison at night alone as a female. i do believe this is not an irrational fear, and actually that it is quite good that i have this fear. i could get into a lot of trouble if i didn't... or at least i believe i would. tonight, i left my volunteer organization meeting, and realized it was late, dark, and the bus was not coming for another 30 minutes. another female was also in the same predicament, so we decided, after figuring out that we kind of live in the same place, that we'd just walk together. we spent the next 20 minutes walking and talking, learning many things about each other. it was not awkward, it was not silent, it was fun and enjoyable. my apartment was before hers, but i offered to walk her there. she kindly turned my down, but she was glad i had offered.

i experienced something tonight. something i'm not sure i would have experienced at most places around the world- a general sense of kindness. would most people, complete strangers, offer to walk home with you at night. this girl was not my same race, ethnicity. i had never talked with her before. who's to say that walking with this female was any better than walking home alone. but it was much better. i made a new friend, learned another person's story (or as much as you can learn in 20 minutes) and instilled in me the goodness of humankind. if i see this girl around campus, we will have something in common, a bond not many people have.

waiting for the bus 30 minutes would not have been terrible, but neither was this, in fact, it was great.

solidified pudding

since ice cream is apparently bad for you, i've somewhat resorted to pudding. it's not a perfect trade by any means, but when i want something for dessert, it is better than nothing. the last time i went shopping, pudding was on sale (the ROUNDY'S kind) so i bought a ton, chocolate and vanilla. a few nights ago, i made vanilla... well i tried. i bought a whisk the first time i made pudding because the fork was not cutting it, but the whisk did not grind the mix into the milk, so my pudding was chunky and runny- NOT A GOOD COMBINATION.

tonight i decided to try the pudding with some strawberries. i took out the sloshy pudding. it looked like chunky old milk. i washed the strawberries and placed them in the pudding. as i forked each strawberry, the pudding dripped off the side as water falls off an apple. it tasted like shit and looked like shit. after i finished my strawberry, i decided to try again. i threw away the vanilla pudding. down the drain and out of sight. and of course, it went straight down. i guess that's a benefit of having liquid pudding... i took out the chocolate, hoping that trying the other kind would somehow make a difference in the state of my food.

i poured my 2 cups of milk into the bowl and emptied the packed on top. i pulled out the electric mixer from 1960 and began mixing. i put it on high, and while it was mixing, i read the side of the box. "when using an electric mixer, do not put on higher than the lowest setting" i changed the setting, and after 2 minutes, i took out the mixer and allowed the pudding to 'set'. i watched QVC television (really quite entertaining... probably better not to watch it all the time though. they are pretty convincing. i'd spend ALL my money- no joke.) until the 5ish minutes were up. i walked into the kitchen and looked down at my pudding.

it had bubbles on top of it. BOO!!! i had almost lost all hope, when i grabbed the spoon and placed it on top. it had jellified!! wahoo. my pudding was great! and not a liquid. i had succeed and it was only my second try. i am becoming a better cook every day!! maybe someday i'll stray away from instant pudding and try something a little more complex, although that'd probably take me more than two tries to truly master.

manic monday, wish it was lazy sunday

at camp, we sang "it's just another manic monday, wish it was sunday" well- couldn't be more true to life. today was the longest day of my life! probably not true, but it was a long day, starting at 7 am (yep, still getting up super early!!) leaving my apartment at 8:15AM and finally getting back to it at 6:45PM. i had 5 classes, 2 over 2 hours, and travel time ate up any extra time i would have had to realx/eat/talk on phone/sleep.

i knew my schedule for mondays when i booked it last may, i just don't think i truly realized how awful and tiring it was going to be. sitting at a desk, or even working with children at a camp in the sun is much better than sitting in class rooms that are too cold, trying to listen to the professor or TA speak about something you try desperatly to understand, but do not.

next semestester, needless to say, will be different. i will not take 5 classes of extreme length on the same day. it's bad, draining, and completely unproductive. i made yet another to-do list, and neglected to completely finish any of the 12 bullets. ohh well. i guess that's what i get for my lazy sunday...

like smoking, procrastination kills

to do list for september 13, 2009:
- notes from anatomy lecture friday in notebook (turns out it was NOT cancelled... misinformation)
- begin work book for anatomy (now that i have a textbook, only 2 weeks late)

- read biomolecular chemistry

- highlight biomolecular chemistry

- do homework 1 for biomolecular chemistry

- read book for nursing class

- print study guide for nursing class

- do study guide for nursing class

- practice anatomy flash cards

- put dates in ical

- clean room

- workout

what actually happened september 13, 2009:

- watched movie on computer

- ate cereal

- wrote 5 letters

- made homemade salsa

- watched television (on a SUNDAY afternoon ...AND i don't have cable...)

- took notes on half of anatomy powerpoint

- made chicken taco meat

- ate chicken taco without a shell

- took notes on other half of anatomy powerpoint

- cleaned room

- washed dishes

- read 1 lecture of biomolecular chemistry

- talked with roommate (whom i LOVE!!!)

- read a third of my nursing assignment (due tomorrow at 5pm)

- WRITING BLOG

so as you can see, i am extremely good at following my plan. the list above... the first one, not the second one, was an actual list i made for myself to do and follow. but, it didn't get done, not even half of it (because i obviously love doing jobs half done.. LOL). tomorrow might be better, but maybe not. i am an expert at finding other things to do. i could, however, use a little work on my stick-to-itive-ness.... maybe later.

4 days is unacceptable.

frustration sets in when i call someone, and they do not call me back within 24 hours. i feel like that is an adequate time period to be able to check a phone and be able to somehow communicate wether this is via text message, facebook, or an actual phone call. i get extremely upset when 48 hours has passed, and anymore than 4 days is unacceptable. recently, people have not been returning my phone calls. not sure why... maybe because they are busy, maybe because they don't want to talk, maybe because they didn't get the call, although i do think it's a little bizarre that like 5 people who i have been trying actively to get a hold of are all NOT getting back to me. ughhh!! maybe the phone company secretly hates me and does not save messages from my phone, so in actuality it's my fault for calling the person when they are busy because they #1 cannot pick up the phone, and #2 they have no idea i called because their phone deleted my calls. maybe these scenarios hold truth, but probably not. moral of the story. return phone calls- even if you don't want to talk to the person. the conversation does not have to be long, it does not have to be involved, it does not really even have to be sincere, but call them back. it's polite, and it's the right thing to do.

"a plane crashed into the world trade center"

i remember it like it was yesterday. i was in 6th grade, sitting in 1st hour social studies with mrs. kirk teaching about the world and all of the different countries. the librarian suddenly came in and told my teacher that a plane had crashed into the world trade center. my teacher completely changed her demeanor from excited and enthusiastic to frantic and concerned. she quickly attained at television and turned it on. she explained to us what the trade towers were with tears streaming down her face. she quietly went to the back of the room while we all sat in awe. about 15 minutes later, a second airplane crashed into the towers.

we watched in disbelief, now aware that this was no fluke occasion. aware that this had been planned. realizing america was being attacked. i was scared, terrified, that somehow, they would find my small town in wisconsin, and target my middle school. i remembered my grandmother telling me of her times in england during WWII. she was on a bus, and the driver told them they had to stop and run into the bomb shelter. my grandmother was only a few blocks away from home, so she ran there instead of to the shelter. the next day, she walked to the bus stop and saw that the shelter the driver had told everyone to go into had been bombed. no one on her bus was still living. it sent shivers down my back and i realized at that moment, 11 years old, that i would never forget september 11, 2001.

after my teacher decided it would be more beneficial to get back to school, the librarian came in a third time to tell us of the pentagon crash. the television went on again. my teacher no longer tried to teach class. this was more important. we needed to know what was going on, how president bush was handling it, what was happening with the towers, what the new yorkers were doing, who was assaulting our country.

the rest of the day passed in a blur. i remember going to each class, and having each teacher tell us over and over again what had happened. learning the planned material was no longer on the agenda. no one could focus on science or reading, we all had the same things on our mind, students and teachers alike. i specifically remember 5th hour, my band teacher standing in front of my class in a respectful position with his hands behind his back, asking us if we knew what happened- what the world trade center was, if we knew what terrorists were. he began crying. i had known this teacher since i was 5. he was my brother's band teacher in high school and had recently switched to middle school. he couldn't handle the disaster, and put on the large screen television for us to watch. he had done all he could to try to help us understand.

when i arrived home, my mother was waiting outside on the bench for me. she ran up to me, crying, hugging me and telling me how much she loved me. i felt so loved, so thankful to be alive and have my family members safe. that night we watched president bush's speech about declaring war- he said at most a year.

now, exactly 8 years later, we still have people in iraq fighting, trying to find these people who did this to us, who tore so many families apart, who changed so many lives. last year, i had the chance to go to new york city. my mother and i visited ground zero and i flashed back to this memory, watching it on television, sitting in 6th grade, unaware of the consequence of such actions. this event has made a profound difference in my life. i thank everyone who helped in the disaster- the fireman, the nurses and doctors, the news casters. and i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for anyone who lost a love one in the truly tragic event. god bless.

other planters just like me

i love plants. i take care of them as though most people would take care of a child. my plants are my children. i get sad when they die and are super pumped when they grow. i even find sitters to take care of them when i am gone. my roommate can attest to this- when i went to north carolina for the summer, i gave her my three plants to water and love over the summer. now, i love my roommate, more than anything, but she does not have the same passion for plants as i do. only one survived. needless to say, she tried. we are still getting along, and i keep the plants in my own room, under my supervision.

i attended the student organization fair to learn about all the amazing things my campus has to offer, and i found a club for horticulture. this deals with plants, how to groom (?!?!!) them, take care of them, growing them in general. i love these things, so i picked up a flyer and decided to attend this evening. i went there and found, so my surprise, over 40 individuals waiting. again, there was free food and drinks. probably the reason most people showed up, but we talked about the 'goals' and what the club does.

they grow plants, take field trips to plant farms, have plant speakers come in. now my major is nursing, or that's what i intend it to be, but i have a passion for plants, and i am excited for the prospect of being able to hang out with an extremely 'different' group of people who also have a passion for plants. wahoo college!! there's truly something for everyone.

fee-free food

i am a large believer in free things. i love free t-shirts, food, cups, lip balm, condoms- point is, if it's free, and you're giving it away, i'm there. people who know me well, have grown to detest this fact. i will drag anyone willing to go with me to a concert at the union simply because it said on the flyer that there might be 'free shirts'. i take them there without knowing what kind of music or who is playing. the word free does something to me. it's probably due to my parents who have taught me to use my money carefully. i guess i took that to meaning whenever something is cost free, take advantage.

when working this morning, my boss came in and told me about the many free types of food in the kitchen. apparently they were left overs from the staff meeting they held without me. i got excited because of my lack of food in my apartment, and wondered into the kitchen, stomach growling, mouth watering. i walked in, and to my surprise, bread laid on the large table. many types of coffee bread, apple bread, cheese cake bread, cranberry bread, banana bread, all looking so good. i was suddenly sad, and hungrier than ever. i cannot eat gluten. gluten is in wheat. i cannot eat bread. i was not happy. i looked around a little longer, eager to find something i could eat, but was sadly mistaken. who takes fruit to a staff meeting?? i walked solemnly back to my desk, empty handed and upset about being happy under false pretenses.

a few hours later, i was called to work at the campus advising career carnival. again the selling words were' free food'!!! i agreed to work the carnival full of clueless freshman simply hoping to again regain my confidence in free food. i walked the two miles to the building, and set up my booth. at once, the students began lining up. not for my exploration center booth, but for the food. i got in line, ready to see what my volunteerism had given me. i saw hot dog buns, hot dogs, cheese, pretzels, and cheese cake. UGHHH!! this was not happening again. ohh but it did. i grumbled and walked back to my both, only to be greeted by freshman wondering where the free food was. i swallowed my misfortune, put on a happy face, and pointed them in the direction gluten filled tables, sighed, looked at the clock, and began counting down the minutes until i was able to leave gluphonia and go back to my lair of nightly vegetarian, taco salads. yum!!

eating blindly

on my walk home today, i found the famous campus ice cream store. because i live in wisconsin, and we are known for our dairy and all that jazz, our ice cream is especially good. and even though i can't eat ice cream (or dairy for that matter) i was craving some ice cream, so i threw the 'rules' out the window, and walked in. the store was amazing, filled with multitudes of ice cream flavors. i looked at the board, and one stood out to me. jump round. it's description "bright red, vanilla-flavored ice cream with white marshmallow swirls and chocolate-covered peanut butter footballs." i sampled, i liked, i bought. as i walked out the doors of the ice cream shop, a sign caught my eyes.

"food panel today" ohhh free food!! now anything free makes me happy, but i was in an unusual hungry mood, so i put my ice cream aside, sat at the booth and raised the little door. out slid a questionnaire of multiple pages. i quickly skimmed the front page and signed my name at the bottom. 30 seconds later a tray was pushed out the miniature door filled with two plates of what looked like the same food. i tasted both and began filling out the questionnaire. i soon realized i was supposed to do it one at a time. the food, to say the least, was awful. hahahaha. it was some kind of ham and cheese and egg precooked frozen meal. i gulped down a few bites and marked terrible for everything. i opened up the little door, slid back in the tray and questionnaire, took my ice cream and left the dairy store.

the experience was good. i now know where to find free food when i want it, but i am weary of what they will try giving me to taste test. i wish i would have gotten monetary compensation, a warning about what i was eating, even a verbal 'thank you' would have been nice. but i am okay what what i earned. for the 15 minutes i sat at that little booth, i helped some research efforts, and for that i feel accomplished.

hmm... as far as classes. biomolecular chemistry was interesting. i tried to make friends, sitting next to a random boy. he looked nice and normal, but when i sat down and tried to make conversation, i realized looks can be deceiving. he was quiet, mumbled and didn't comply with answering the simple questions i asked. after giving up on him, a girl came and sat next to me. it was her first day and i talked with her for a bit. she seemed nice and decent. however, she texted through the entire lecture and left early. so much for her good grade. maybe next time i'll make a friend. it's worth it. with that class, suffering with someone is so much better than suffering alone...

early findings

i seem to have a problem with waking up too early. i don't have insomnia, and i'm not crazy, i just get up at ungodly hours. at first, i assumed it was from my camp experience, always having to be up at 715 takes a toll on people. then after 3 weeks of no camp, i began to realize i wake up early for other reasons. my roommate is convinced it is because the light comes into my bedroom so early, but can something from out of the sleep state really have that large of an effect on your body? she's probably right, but because my blinds smell like mold and mildew, i refuse to put them down. and the root of the problem, could it be that i'm eager to start my day subconsciously, and so my mind is continuing to only let me sleep for a mere total of 5 hours?? am in inadvertently retaliating subconsciously against my deep laziness? who knows. for now, it's going to bed late and waking up early unrested and to the sound of mice chewing on my old garbage- WAIT WHAT!!!

usually i get wake up, realize that again i've woken up before the 'normal' person time, and way way way before the 'normal' college time, trying to convince my body that it is okay to head back to bed. but this morning, i heard something chomping, chewing, gnawing away in my room. now my room is tiny, put together by two smaller rooms. sort of a makeshift kind of place, only something a poor college student would reside in. i needed to find out what was making this ever-so-slight sound, so i slowly moved my body to the other side of my single bed and peered off it, like an animal ready to catch prey. i looked around, moving my head slowly as not to miss the slightest movement. starting with my black laundry bin and around to my garbage basket, fully utilized, and realized there was no longer one tenant living in my room, but two. a little mouse had made my room it's own, even finding it's own source of food through my garbage. i stayed quiet, as at camp this summer i saw many mice in my cabin, and could not scream simply because my campers would hate me forever and ever if i woke them up 10 minutes early for MICE. none the less, i scampered into the kitchen, grabbed a bag, ran back into my room, and place it over the mouse.

once outside, i placed my full garbage in the can and rested for 10 seconds. i needed to relax, calm myself down. it had been an eventful few minutes, and some people get very worked up when things like that happen, and i didn't want any other disasters to happen. i walked slowly back up to my apartment, once again viewing my room, just to make sure no more mice were residing in it, and crawled into my bed, to fall asleep for another measly 30 minutes.

now this could be what happened. it's not. but some of it holds truth. i did wake up super early this morning to a sound that could have resembled a mouse, and after working at camp, i learn to take these accusations seriously. i don't want any snakes in my apartment. after looking around the room, i realized my poster inching it's way down my wall, making the ever-so-small sound i had been witnessing from my bed. it made me happy to know it was not a mouse, yet i grabbed my garbage, tied it up, and took it to the kitchen. i'll take it out later, but in all honestly, i'm too lazy to put on real clothes and go outside.

now back to that subject i was going to comment on yesterday but was too lazy too. today is LABOR DAY! something i never understood. why is it called labor day? doesn't that mean people should be working.... that would make sense, but instead everything is closed, making it hard for us consumers, who only want to stimulate the economy, to go out and buy all the necessities like this month's latest fashion. right? i like the idea of a day off, but maybe a name change should occur. it should be called 'non-labor' day, or 'thank you labors, we love you, take a day off' day. just something to ponder about on your day off... enjoy it all you laborers!

just another lazy sunday

i am sitting on my bed in the middle of a beautiful sunday afternoon, trying to motivate myself to begin doing something with my life. i thought, hey, what the hell, why not start a blog! i love writing... well anything formal is out of the question, but i love writing and blabbering on for the most part, so this seems like a good idea, eh?

not exactly the WHOLE story. i am attending college, and it's- well to say the least- an adventure. my classes are tough, and it's only been 3 days. i don't understand what the professor is saying, and it's in my native language. i guess that means i'm going to work hard. try my best. strive for understanding what is going on around me. which makes general sense, right? i mean honestly, i chose to go to school and i chose to be in anatomy and biomolecular chemistry, i should do the work, make the grade.

however, there's a catch. i'm lazy. plain and simple. i get on these trips where i feel like i can do anything i want. wether i can cook, or travel the world, or go to nursing school, or run a marathon. then after careful rumination about the subject, i realize it's more of a want, rather than anything, and i put my thought to rest. for example, it might just be a thought that i can do well in anatomy and biomolecular chemistry, but for the time being, lets say it's not. lets say i'm going to succeed and do well and make friends, and maybe even some day, get a boyfriend.

this summer i worked at a camp. my campers were 15 and obsessed with the possibility of me maybe getting a boyfriend! silly right? well they keep pestering me, asking me if i have one yet, and i guess in the back of my mind, i am hoping that in one of these tough classes, i'll find a super cute boy who will just want to teach me everything and we'll hit it off right away and it'll be amazing and we'll get married and have babies.... well that would be, could be what might happen. but i have to go to class and try and that would involve me getting out of my bed. well, maybe tomorrow.

maybe not tomorrow. it's labor day. which i never really understood. but that's a topic for another entry.