a bit overwhelmed

i could say i'm a 'bit overwhelmed'-- but that'd be quite the understatement. i am completely and utterly behind in school with the test that defines my future on friday. i have not finished the work book, i have not copied the slides and i have not memorized. i am completely unprepared and not ready for this exam.

alas, i'm blogging because i'm at work, unable to study. this is good for me though. everybody needs balance in their life, and so from going between work and school, i kind of get a 'built in break' for both. it's good. i like work. the people are sweet and i feel like i am genuinly helping, however i am extremely excited about the prospect of being a nurse and helping people that way. i started watching this new tv show (i know i know... exactly what i need to fill up my life) and it makes me want to be there even more. although, the whole school thing was kind of giving me a run for my money...

my brother is coming thursday night, which is amazing, but also stressful because of my test. i really need to just crack down and do it. i need to ban internet from my apartment along with phone, televison, kitchen and everything else i could do. i need to be in solitary confinement with only my anatomy text book, my work book and my notebook. i feel if that happened, i would actually accomplish things. hahaha. this is pathetic. i should be able to sit down and get shit done. i probably could-- my attention span is just so short. i can only really concentrate on something if i really like it ANDD if i'm not pressured to do it. so school is basically OUT OF THE QUESTION. well, studying anyway.

but i need to get better, and chances are that when the test is here, i will be ready. but again, no promises. for the time meaning, i am sitting in my desk chair thinking about all the stuff i need to get done, with no time to do it-- and that's always productive, right?

old buildings

elementary schools have a particular feeling-- something familiar and loving. a place to grow, make mistakes, a place to make life long friends and learn, a community full of people who've devoted their lives to make you succeed in yours. elementary schools are warm, happy, bright and feel like home.

when i walked in today, i loved it. i thought of the idea as i was finding my way back home after volunteering at a middle school. i guess i wanted something closer to my apartment, so i decided to check out the volunteer status. the building was old, reminding me of the movie matilda. i loved it and found my way to the office. i inquired about the volunteer opportunities and found out they were looking for more people!

as i was filling out the volunteer form, the principal noticed my shirt which was the advertising for an event held in my hometown, and he told me he ran in the race. we started talking (he was extremely personable) and turns out he knows my dad. i was even more excited to begin helping out now because the school became even more like home-- it felt like i was home. i talked to the volunteer coordinator (a volunteer himself, and someone who completely reminded me of my grandfather- large belly, white beard, super smile, extremely nice) and we spoke about when i would come in. afterwords, he gave me a tour.

i felt apart of something. i felt apart of the community and i'm super excited to start helping.

motivation-- goals.

good grades = higher gpa

higher gpa = better chance of nursing program

better chance of nursing program + bet admissions essay = nursing admission

nursing admission = registered nurse

registered nurse = goals met

speaking of goals met, i have worked out 3 times. i changed my running thing from being an amazing runner, to simply working out 5 to 6 times a week. it's getting better, and still good for me. it'd probably be more effective if i didn't eat half a thing of ice cream every night, but soon that'll run out, and i'll make my roommate not let me get anymore, and then the workouts will improve everything. and running will become easier. i know. i learned it in my biomolecular chemistry class... as it turns out, i am learning valuable information in that class. it's quite sweet, and i think i did well on the test. tomorrow, i have the class again, so no doubt he'll be talking about the results. it felt good when i turned it in... so hopefully that actually translates directly to the grade i receive??

along with reaching goals, i took out my sax tonight. i was a little rusty-- okaay ookay, a lot rusty, but to my aid, i did not give my all because my roommate was trying to study for ochem and i didn't want to ruin her concentration. i ordered stuff online for my sax though, so i will be practicing and reach my goal of getting at least to where i was in high school, which was pretty high. i mean i went to new york-- yeah, i was just that good... or the band i was in was. hahaha. i love sax. and i miss it. and i need to keep with the things that make me happy.

goals are good. set your own-

"in 1964, all members of the harvard business school graduating class stated that they have, at graduation, clear goals that they want to accomplish in life. among them, 5% took the time to write it down on paper. in 1984, a follow up study was done and it was discovered that 95% of those who wrote down their goal were able to achieve them within 20 years. among the 'lazy' majority, only 5% of them were able to reach their expected goals."

write them down. it never hurts.

SO to only being able to think in so's

key: 'so' stands for shout out

it is a tradition to get the wednesday paper before class and read through the shout out section. they pick the best ones of the last week, usually about 'coasties' and ex-boyfriend/girlfriends, and freshman and other annoying/funny/ironic commentaries on 'society'. it brightens my day to hear the misfortunes/happinesses of other people's lives. SO's are sarcastic, short, simple, and to the point. they make class more bearable and make me laugh when my day is stressful, boring, or needs something extra.

literally today, my thoughts were in SO's. this is pathetic. i used to think in terms of facebook statuses, but now that i'm more sarcastic era of thought, i've switched. and no joke, when i walked to class as well as walked home, the heavens above decided to bring the torrential downpour and seriously make up for lack of rain the past 21 days. in one day, we got 3.89 inches of rain... making up for the 2.5 inch deficit in september, and now having a large record, not only in my city, but surpassing the records of the state. anyway, my windows do not portray the world as it is, so i did not notice the large amounts of rain.

i went outside with my umbrella, which broke my freshman year, and waited for the bus to get to class. on the way there, i got severely soaked, but since i was able to sit in a lecture hall for 2.5 hours, i nearly dried off. then back to the rains, noticed the bus did not come for another 15 minutes, and too lazy to wait, i walked home in the rain. on the way home, i realized not only are the spokes from my umbrella broken, but there are holes in my umbrella. it is not water proof, and my face, hair, jacked and backpack which were all under the umbrella also became quickly soaked. this only compliments the rest of my body including my pants, socks and shoes. (i did see girl wearing flip flops... now really- it's a fucking down pour, get some proper attire... even some athletic shoes.) i came home and changed in my room, only to realize a large wet spot on my bed. my ceiling was leaking, and since this is the first time it's rained since i've been here, i just noticed it. ugh!! i called the landlord, who said he'd send someone over. sure enough, 5 minutes before i had to work, someone came over. i left for work (so i have no idea if he actually did anything, but lets hope for my sake he did) and tried for my rain jacket this time, but it has no beak on it, so my glasses got wet. in an effort to avoid this, i tried holding my hood forward which facilitated the rain to enter my jacket through my sleeve. alas, i arrived late and soaked for my job which today was an open house. i had to greet people in my wet state and tell them how cool the place where i worked was. wahoo! (i really do love it, the beginning of today was just a little rough..)

anyway, here's my SO list.

- ASO (anti shout out just in case you didn't get it...) to my umbrella who decides to let me know TODAY that it has holes in it.

- SO for the rain not deciding to be snow yet..

- ASO for my meteorology TA for telling us yesterday in class about the 21 day dry steak and informing us that it was going to continue another few days at least... i guess you didn't notice the huge rainstorm due for all day today!

- SO for only being able to think in so's

- ASO for my ceiling trying to be the match maker between the torrential rains and my bed. it's going to make for a wet night...

- SO to my roommate for making me work out*, and me resisting to the point that she actually DROVE me to the gym herself. (*i did tell her to make sure i went and do everything to make sure i go)

good day sunshine

the beatles wrote "good day sunshine." probably just words they came up that went with the chords while they were jamming with their friends. however, couldn't be more true than my life today. when i woke up, the clouds were out, streaming around the sky. it was cold, humid, and felt like rain. now we could use rain because as i found out today in my oceanic and atmospheric science class, we have not had rain in 21 days, but because of my recent breakdown regarding biomolecular chemistry, i was hoping for a sunny day.

sure enough, later in the day, after my depressing class on racism, the sun came out. my day began to brighten. my biomolecular chemistry discussion clarified some of the points i had been missing last night, and i found someone who wants to study with me tonight in lu of the grand exam tomorrow. then the TA for my next class lectured and he was funny. comedic lecturers always make the class time pass in a way that's manageable, along with enjoyable. i think i might have actually retained the information spoken of in that lecture. another class down and quite interesting... it also ended a few minutes early which helped me to catch the bus over to the medical building- securing my punctuality to my last two classes of the day.

here i am, writing my blog and in quite a good mood because of the sunshine. now i'm not 100% sure that was the sole provider of my happiness, but one this is for certain- those beatles, not matter how drugged up they were, knew something about the direct correlation between good days and sunshine.

help please

after careful review upon my biomolecular chemistry practice quiz, i've come to the conclusion that i have no idea what is going on in that class- which sucks because i thought i was absorbing the material quite well. the practice quiz is next to impossible, plus there is no key, so for all i know i could be getting the answers wrong. and to make matters worse, we had homework due on thursday. i needed help on it, so i asked the TA's after class, and one of them told me she could help me. i went to her, and she didn't know how to do the problem. she looked over all my homework, and said it looked good, and then i checked my answers against the correct ones, and mine were wrong. i am so nervous. i already have a 25% chance with getting into the nursing program, and if i don't do well in this class, it's going to be even less. i'm just not having a good night. i don't know how to study for this test. it's on tuesday, and my mondays are awful with class for 8 hours! i know i signed up for this, but it's not fun and i'm stressed. i don't know what to do. i need some major help to kick me into shape.

i went running today. it was super hard. i am not a runner, but i want to run in a marathon- which involves me becoming a runner. i went for 20 minutes, running for 1.5 minutes, and walking for 3.5 minutes. even that was difficult for me. i think it'll get easier. my plan is to get up every morning (or just get out of bed when i 'naturally' wake up) and go running then. that way it's out of the way for my day, i'm awake, and getting exercise. if i do this every day (or 4-5 times a week) and keep pushing up the running time, i'll be a runner in 9 weeks... according to an internet site. then i can join the running club, and in a few semesters, i'll take the marathon class. my goal is set, written down, and far off- attainable. i'm going for it. and i know, it'll come true. just like my goal for my nursing degree. someday, my work will have paid off.

and just for the record, i've been doing homework all day... aside for my 20 minutes grocery shopping and my 1.5 hour movie. i'm proud of myself. i accomplished a lot.... now i just need to master biomolecular chemistry. wish me luck!

poppin' corn

it's a known fact that everybody loves movie theater popcorn. wether it's knowing that if you get the large, you can get free refills, or the taste of real butter rather than that junk they put in the microwave popcorn. point is, everyone loves it, and buying popcorn (no matter how much of a rip off it may be) is part of a complete movie experience. and tonight, my roommate and i got to experience it. most amazing thing ever!

we searched online for movies- we wanted a romantic comedy- something to make us laugh and say 'awww, that's cute'. we found the proposal. one of the greatest movies i'd seen all summer. i got to experience the funniness with my campers- laughing my ass off while cringing because i knew the movie was so not appropriate for them. hahahah. but we found this theater that was not too far away, and we drove to it to catch the 720 movie. we got there and realized it was a huge establishment of budget theaters!! an adult night showing ticket was only 3 dollars! for me, my night was already made, but it kept getting better.

we went to the popcorn line. my roommate decided she wanted a slushy, but the machine was broken. i told her to get one anyway, but she was too embarrassed to ask the guy to fix it just for her. LOL. the guy was cute, but probably in high school, and i'm not really into the whole 'dating younger men' thing. plus, i feel like when i asked for the large popcorn with butter, he was probably kind of put off.

we split the large popcorn, and laughed for the entire 2 hour movie. it was just what i needed- something that would get my homework and test off my mind. however, tomorrow is sunday, and after that is monday, and school is on monday, so on my sunday, i'm going to need to get some serious shit done. pedal to the metal dude...

anywhere but here

i am sitting in college library on a friday night. why? because i am behind in all of my classes because i choose to watch television, sleep, go to club meetings, hang out with friends, and cook rather than study. i do find it a bit pathetic though, sitting in a library on a friday night, not even that far into semester because i already cannot find the patience within myself to sit my ass down and study!

as i sit here, taking my anatomy notes which i neglect to take every lecture (simply because there are too many, not because i'm LAZY), i am aware of the third season of WEEDS sitting beside my computer, well aware that when i leave the library at some god-awful time, i will be able and free to watch any or all of the season in my three day span of renting the three-disk DVD set. i know that should not be on my mind. i know i should be concentrating on my notes, on my workbook that i have not begun yet, on my test that i have tuesday in my biomolecular chemistry class that i will without-a-doubt fail if i do not get my ass off the couch and do some serious studying, but alas, i'm blogging instead of doing all the above (which includes watching WEEDS... i guess i do have some self control.. LOL).

tomorrow is another day, another chance for me to either do my homework to get the grades i want that will get me into the nursing program that will get me to my profession of choice that will lead me to meeting a rich, sexy single doctor, that will lead us to marrying that will lead me to along life of happiness and bliss... OR i could volunteer at the stadium during the badgers vs. wofford football game in the sea of red, receive a FREE t-shirt for doing it, have fun, and possibly meet the man of my dreams.

we shall see what i choose. i like to see my options, and leave them wide open for the world to decide. but basically, i'd really rather be doing anything, anywhere rather than sitting in college library on a friday night studying. boo!

tell them

i love you. three simple words. they mean the world to some people, break it for others. those three little words, three easy words, are not said enough in this world of hatred, war, fighting. in america, our divorce rate is over 50%. that's not to say that simply saying these words would change that, but people need to feel loved, they need to feel affirmed. there's this book called "the 5 languages of love" it speaks about the 5 different ways people show love. i took the test, and i show love through words of affirmation and personal touch, so i might be a little bias in this post, thinking that people need to hear these words, but i do believe it's true.

always know that accidents happen and lives are lost. it's always tragic, wether they were sick for a long time, or it happened in an instant. letting that person know you care, letting them know how much you love them is always better than not. in america, there is forward thinking. people are always rushing, running ahead to the next step. what is more important than family, than relationships. it takes 3 seconds to say 'i love you' and a lifetime to regret it.

realize now what you have, appreciate your parents, appreciate the necessities, but know that people are always more important than belongings. money alone does not make people happy. you need someone to share it with. know that the people in your life love you and that they want you to succeed. know that people will help you, and don't be afraid to ask if you need something. don't feel like you can do it alone, because you can't, and most importantly, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. god set up support systems, he made us able to form relationships to help both ourselves and others. send your thank-you notes along with random "you're sweet" notes. tell people you care. it'll change your day, their day, and your outlook on life.

goodness of humankind

i am afraid of walking around madison at night alone as a female. i do believe this is not an irrational fear, and actually that it is quite good that i have this fear. i could get into a lot of trouble if i didn't... or at least i believe i would. tonight, i left my volunteer organization meeting, and realized it was late, dark, and the bus was not coming for another 30 minutes. another female was also in the same predicament, so we decided, after figuring out that we kind of live in the same place, that we'd just walk together. we spent the next 20 minutes walking and talking, learning many things about each other. it was not awkward, it was not silent, it was fun and enjoyable. my apartment was before hers, but i offered to walk her there. she kindly turned my down, but she was glad i had offered.

i experienced something tonight. something i'm not sure i would have experienced at most places around the world- a general sense of kindness. would most people, complete strangers, offer to walk home with you at night. this girl was not my same race, ethnicity. i had never talked with her before. who's to say that walking with this female was any better than walking home alone. but it was much better. i made a new friend, learned another person's story (or as much as you can learn in 20 minutes) and instilled in me the goodness of humankind. if i see this girl around campus, we will have something in common, a bond not many people have.

waiting for the bus 30 minutes would not have been terrible, but neither was this, in fact, it was great.

solidified pudding

since ice cream is apparently bad for you, i've somewhat resorted to pudding. it's not a perfect trade by any means, but when i want something for dessert, it is better than nothing. the last time i went shopping, pudding was on sale (the ROUNDY'S kind) so i bought a ton, chocolate and vanilla. a few nights ago, i made vanilla... well i tried. i bought a whisk the first time i made pudding because the fork was not cutting it, but the whisk did not grind the mix into the milk, so my pudding was chunky and runny- NOT A GOOD COMBINATION.

tonight i decided to try the pudding with some strawberries. i took out the sloshy pudding. it looked like chunky old milk. i washed the strawberries and placed them in the pudding. as i forked each strawberry, the pudding dripped off the side as water falls off an apple. it tasted like shit and looked like shit. after i finished my strawberry, i decided to try again. i threw away the vanilla pudding. down the drain and out of sight. and of course, it went straight down. i guess that's a benefit of having liquid pudding... i took out the chocolate, hoping that trying the other kind would somehow make a difference in the state of my food.

i poured my 2 cups of milk into the bowl and emptied the packed on top. i pulled out the electric mixer from 1960 and began mixing. i put it on high, and while it was mixing, i read the side of the box. "when using an electric mixer, do not put on higher than the lowest setting" i changed the setting, and after 2 minutes, i took out the mixer and allowed the pudding to 'set'. i watched QVC television (really quite entertaining... probably better not to watch it all the time though. they are pretty convincing. i'd spend ALL my money- no joke.) until the 5ish minutes were up. i walked into the kitchen and looked down at my pudding.

it had bubbles on top of it. BOO!!! i had almost lost all hope, when i grabbed the spoon and placed it on top. it had jellified!! wahoo. my pudding was great! and not a liquid. i had succeed and it was only my second try. i am becoming a better cook every day!! maybe someday i'll stray away from instant pudding and try something a little more complex, although that'd probably take me more than two tries to truly master.

manic monday, wish it was lazy sunday

at camp, we sang "it's just another manic monday, wish it was sunday" well- couldn't be more true to life. today was the longest day of my life! probably not true, but it was a long day, starting at 7 am (yep, still getting up super early!!) leaving my apartment at 8:15AM and finally getting back to it at 6:45PM. i had 5 classes, 2 over 2 hours, and travel time ate up any extra time i would have had to realx/eat/talk on phone/sleep.

i knew my schedule for mondays when i booked it last may, i just don't think i truly realized how awful and tiring it was going to be. sitting at a desk, or even working with children at a camp in the sun is much better than sitting in class rooms that are too cold, trying to listen to the professor or TA speak about something you try desperatly to understand, but do not.

next semestester, needless to say, will be different. i will not take 5 classes of extreme length on the same day. it's bad, draining, and completely unproductive. i made yet another to-do list, and neglected to completely finish any of the 12 bullets. ohh well. i guess that's what i get for my lazy sunday...

like smoking, procrastination kills

to do list for september 13, 2009:
- notes from anatomy lecture friday in notebook (turns out it was NOT cancelled... misinformation)
- begin work book for anatomy (now that i have a textbook, only 2 weeks late)

- read biomolecular chemistry

- highlight biomolecular chemistry

- do homework 1 for biomolecular chemistry

- read book for nursing class

- print study guide for nursing class

- do study guide for nursing class

- practice anatomy flash cards

- put dates in ical

- clean room

- workout

what actually happened september 13, 2009:

- watched movie on computer

- ate cereal

- wrote 5 letters

- made homemade salsa

- watched television (on a SUNDAY afternoon ...AND i don't have cable...)

- took notes on half of anatomy powerpoint

- made chicken taco meat

- ate chicken taco without a shell

- took notes on other half of anatomy powerpoint

- cleaned room

- washed dishes

- read 1 lecture of biomolecular chemistry

- talked with roommate (whom i LOVE!!!)

- read a third of my nursing assignment (due tomorrow at 5pm)

- WRITING BLOG

so as you can see, i am extremely good at following my plan. the list above... the first one, not the second one, was an actual list i made for myself to do and follow. but, it didn't get done, not even half of it (because i obviously love doing jobs half done.. LOL). tomorrow might be better, but maybe not. i am an expert at finding other things to do. i could, however, use a little work on my stick-to-itive-ness.... maybe later.

4 days is unacceptable.

frustration sets in when i call someone, and they do not call me back within 24 hours. i feel like that is an adequate time period to be able to check a phone and be able to somehow communicate wether this is via text message, facebook, or an actual phone call. i get extremely upset when 48 hours has passed, and anymore than 4 days is unacceptable. recently, people have not been returning my phone calls. not sure why... maybe because they are busy, maybe because they don't want to talk, maybe because they didn't get the call, although i do think it's a little bizarre that like 5 people who i have been trying actively to get a hold of are all NOT getting back to me. ughhh!! maybe the phone company secretly hates me and does not save messages from my phone, so in actuality it's my fault for calling the person when they are busy because they #1 cannot pick up the phone, and #2 they have no idea i called because their phone deleted my calls. maybe these scenarios hold truth, but probably not. moral of the story. return phone calls- even if you don't want to talk to the person. the conversation does not have to be long, it does not have to be involved, it does not really even have to be sincere, but call them back. it's polite, and it's the right thing to do.

"a plane crashed into the world trade center"

i remember it like it was yesterday. i was in 6th grade, sitting in 1st hour social studies with mrs. kirk teaching about the world and all of the different countries. the librarian suddenly came in and told my teacher that a plane had crashed into the world trade center. my teacher completely changed her demeanor from excited and enthusiastic to frantic and concerned. she quickly attained at television and turned it on. she explained to us what the trade towers were with tears streaming down her face. she quietly went to the back of the room while we all sat in awe. about 15 minutes later, a second airplane crashed into the towers.

we watched in disbelief, now aware that this was no fluke occasion. aware that this had been planned. realizing america was being attacked. i was scared, terrified, that somehow, they would find my small town in wisconsin, and target my middle school. i remembered my grandmother telling me of her times in england during WWII. she was on a bus, and the driver told them they had to stop and run into the bomb shelter. my grandmother was only a few blocks away from home, so she ran there instead of to the shelter. the next day, she walked to the bus stop and saw that the shelter the driver had told everyone to go into had been bombed. no one on her bus was still living. it sent shivers down my back and i realized at that moment, 11 years old, that i would never forget september 11, 2001.

after my teacher decided it would be more beneficial to get back to school, the librarian came in a third time to tell us of the pentagon crash. the television went on again. my teacher no longer tried to teach class. this was more important. we needed to know what was going on, how president bush was handling it, what was happening with the towers, what the new yorkers were doing, who was assaulting our country.

the rest of the day passed in a blur. i remember going to each class, and having each teacher tell us over and over again what had happened. learning the planned material was no longer on the agenda. no one could focus on science or reading, we all had the same things on our mind, students and teachers alike. i specifically remember 5th hour, my band teacher standing in front of my class in a respectful position with his hands behind his back, asking us if we knew what happened- what the world trade center was, if we knew what terrorists were. he began crying. i had known this teacher since i was 5. he was my brother's band teacher in high school and had recently switched to middle school. he couldn't handle the disaster, and put on the large screen television for us to watch. he had done all he could to try to help us understand.

when i arrived home, my mother was waiting outside on the bench for me. she ran up to me, crying, hugging me and telling me how much she loved me. i felt so loved, so thankful to be alive and have my family members safe. that night we watched president bush's speech about declaring war- he said at most a year.

now, exactly 8 years later, we still have people in iraq fighting, trying to find these people who did this to us, who tore so many families apart, who changed so many lives. last year, i had the chance to go to new york city. my mother and i visited ground zero and i flashed back to this memory, watching it on television, sitting in 6th grade, unaware of the consequence of such actions. this event has made a profound difference in my life. i thank everyone who helped in the disaster- the fireman, the nurses and doctors, the news casters. and i am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for anyone who lost a love one in the truly tragic event. god bless.

other planters just like me

i love plants. i take care of them as though most people would take care of a child. my plants are my children. i get sad when they die and are super pumped when they grow. i even find sitters to take care of them when i am gone. my roommate can attest to this- when i went to north carolina for the summer, i gave her my three plants to water and love over the summer. now, i love my roommate, more than anything, but she does not have the same passion for plants as i do. only one survived. needless to say, she tried. we are still getting along, and i keep the plants in my own room, under my supervision.

i attended the student organization fair to learn about all the amazing things my campus has to offer, and i found a club for horticulture. this deals with plants, how to groom (?!?!!) them, take care of them, growing them in general. i love these things, so i picked up a flyer and decided to attend this evening. i went there and found, so my surprise, over 40 individuals waiting. again, there was free food and drinks. probably the reason most people showed up, but we talked about the 'goals' and what the club does.

they grow plants, take field trips to plant farms, have plant speakers come in. now my major is nursing, or that's what i intend it to be, but i have a passion for plants, and i am excited for the prospect of being able to hang out with an extremely 'different' group of people who also have a passion for plants. wahoo college!! there's truly something for everyone.

fee-free food

i am a large believer in free things. i love free t-shirts, food, cups, lip balm, condoms- point is, if it's free, and you're giving it away, i'm there. people who know me well, have grown to detest this fact. i will drag anyone willing to go with me to a concert at the union simply because it said on the flyer that there might be 'free shirts'. i take them there without knowing what kind of music or who is playing. the word free does something to me. it's probably due to my parents who have taught me to use my money carefully. i guess i took that to meaning whenever something is cost free, take advantage.

when working this morning, my boss came in and told me about the many free types of food in the kitchen. apparently they were left overs from the staff meeting they held without me. i got excited because of my lack of food in my apartment, and wondered into the kitchen, stomach growling, mouth watering. i walked in, and to my surprise, bread laid on the large table. many types of coffee bread, apple bread, cheese cake bread, cranberry bread, banana bread, all looking so good. i was suddenly sad, and hungrier than ever. i cannot eat gluten. gluten is in wheat. i cannot eat bread. i was not happy. i looked around a little longer, eager to find something i could eat, but was sadly mistaken. who takes fruit to a staff meeting?? i walked solemnly back to my desk, empty handed and upset about being happy under false pretenses.

a few hours later, i was called to work at the campus advising career carnival. again the selling words were' free food'!!! i agreed to work the carnival full of clueless freshman simply hoping to again regain my confidence in free food. i walked the two miles to the building, and set up my booth. at once, the students began lining up. not for my exploration center booth, but for the food. i got in line, ready to see what my volunteerism had given me. i saw hot dog buns, hot dogs, cheese, pretzels, and cheese cake. UGHHH!! this was not happening again. ohh but it did. i grumbled and walked back to my both, only to be greeted by freshman wondering where the free food was. i swallowed my misfortune, put on a happy face, and pointed them in the direction gluten filled tables, sighed, looked at the clock, and began counting down the minutes until i was able to leave gluphonia and go back to my lair of nightly vegetarian, taco salads. yum!!

eating blindly

on my walk home today, i found the famous campus ice cream store. because i live in wisconsin, and we are known for our dairy and all that jazz, our ice cream is especially good. and even though i can't eat ice cream (or dairy for that matter) i was craving some ice cream, so i threw the 'rules' out the window, and walked in. the store was amazing, filled with multitudes of ice cream flavors. i looked at the board, and one stood out to me. jump round. it's description "bright red, vanilla-flavored ice cream with white marshmallow swirls and chocolate-covered peanut butter footballs." i sampled, i liked, i bought. as i walked out the doors of the ice cream shop, a sign caught my eyes.

"food panel today" ohhh free food!! now anything free makes me happy, but i was in an unusual hungry mood, so i put my ice cream aside, sat at the booth and raised the little door. out slid a questionnaire of multiple pages. i quickly skimmed the front page and signed my name at the bottom. 30 seconds later a tray was pushed out the miniature door filled with two plates of what looked like the same food. i tasted both and began filling out the questionnaire. i soon realized i was supposed to do it one at a time. the food, to say the least, was awful. hahahaha. it was some kind of ham and cheese and egg precooked frozen meal. i gulped down a few bites and marked terrible for everything. i opened up the little door, slid back in the tray and questionnaire, took my ice cream and left the dairy store.

the experience was good. i now know where to find free food when i want it, but i am weary of what they will try giving me to taste test. i wish i would have gotten monetary compensation, a warning about what i was eating, even a verbal 'thank you' would have been nice. but i am okay what what i earned. for the 15 minutes i sat at that little booth, i helped some research efforts, and for that i feel accomplished.

hmm... as far as classes. biomolecular chemistry was interesting. i tried to make friends, sitting next to a random boy. he looked nice and normal, but when i sat down and tried to make conversation, i realized looks can be deceiving. he was quiet, mumbled and didn't comply with answering the simple questions i asked. after giving up on him, a girl came and sat next to me. it was her first day and i talked with her for a bit. she seemed nice and decent. however, she texted through the entire lecture and left early. so much for her good grade. maybe next time i'll make a friend. it's worth it. with that class, suffering with someone is so much better than suffering alone...

early findings

i seem to have a problem with waking up too early. i don't have insomnia, and i'm not crazy, i just get up at ungodly hours. at first, i assumed it was from my camp experience, always having to be up at 715 takes a toll on people. then after 3 weeks of no camp, i began to realize i wake up early for other reasons. my roommate is convinced it is because the light comes into my bedroom so early, but can something from out of the sleep state really have that large of an effect on your body? she's probably right, but because my blinds smell like mold and mildew, i refuse to put them down. and the root of the problem, could it be that i'm eager to start my day subconsciously, and so my mind is continuing to only let me sleep for a mere total of 5 hours?? am in inadvertently retaliating subconsciously against my deep laziness? who knows. for now, it's going to bed late and waking up early unrested and to the sound of mice chewing on my old garbage- WAIT WHAT!!!

usually i get wake up, realize that again i've woken up before the 'normal' person time, and way way way before the 'normal' college time, trying to convince my body that it is okay to head back to bed. but this morning, i heard something chomping, chewing, gnawing away in my room. now my room is tiny, put together by two smaller rooms. sort of a makeshift kind of place, only something a poor college student would reside in. i needed to find out what was making this ever-so-slight sound, so i slowly moved my body to the other side of my single bed and peered off it, like an animal ready to catch prey. i looked around, moving my head slowly as not to miss the slightest movement. starting with my black laundry bin and around to my garbage basket, fully utilized, and realized there was no longer one tenant living in my room, but two. a little mouse had made my room it's own, even finding it's own source of food through my garbage. i stayed quiet, as at camp this summer i saw many mice in my cabin, and could not scream simply because my campers would hate me forever and ever if i woke them up 10 minutes early for MICE. none the less, i scampered into the kitchen, grabbed a bag, ran back into my room, and place it over the mouse.

once outside, i placed my full garbage in the can and rested for 10 seconds. i needed to relax, calm myself down. it had been an eventful few minutes, and some people get very worked up when things like that happen, and i didn't want any other disasters to happen. i walked slowly back up to my apartment, once again viewing my room, just to make sure no more mice were residing in it, and crawled into my bed, to fall asleep for another measly 30 minutes.

now this could be what happened. it's not. but some of it holds truth. i did wake up super early this morning to a sound that could have resembled a mouse, and after working at camp, i learn to take these accusations seriously. i don't want any snakes in my apartment. after looking around the room, i realized my poster inching it's way down my wall, making the ever-so-small sound i had been witnessing from my bed. it made me happy to know it was not a mouse, yet i grabbed my garbage, tied it up, and took it to the kitchen. i'll take it out later, but in all honestly, i'm too lazy to put on real clothes and go outside.

now back to that subject i was going to comment on yesterday but was too lazy too. today is LABOR DAY! something i never understood. why is it called labor day? doesn't that mean people should be working.... that would make sense, but instead everything is closed, making it hard for us consumers, who only want to stimulate the economy, to go out and buy all the necessities like this month's latest fashion. right? i like the idea of a day off, but maybe a name change should occur. it should be called 'non-labor' day, or 'thank you labors, we love you, take a day off' day. just something to ponder about on your day off... enjoy it all you laborers!

just another lazy sunday

i am sitting on my bed in the middle of a beautiful sunday afternoon, trying to motivate myself to begin doing something with my life. i thought, hey, what the hell, why not start a blog! i love writing... well anything formal is out of the question, but i love writing and blabbering on for the most part, so this seems like a good idea, eh?

not exactly the WHOLE story. i am attending college, and it's- well to say the least- an adventure. my classes are tough, and it's only been 3 days. i don't understand what the professor is saying, and it's in my native language. i guess that means i'm going to work hard. try my best. strive for understanding what is going on around me. which makes general sense, right? i mean honestly, i chose to go to school and i chose to be in anatomy and biomolecular chemistry, i should do the work, make the grade.

however, there's a catch. i'm lazy. plain and simple. i get on these trips where i feel like i can do anything i want. wether i can cook, or travel the world, or go to nursing school, or run a marathon. then after careful rumination about the subject, i realize it's more of a want, rather than anything, and i put my thought to rest. for example, it might just be a thought that i can do well in anatomy and biomolecular chemistry, but for the time being, lets say it's not. lets say i'm going to succeed and do well and make friends, and maybe even some day, get a boyfriend.

this summer i worked at a camp. my campers were 15 and obsessed with the possibility of me maybe getting a boyfriend! silly right? well they keep pestering me, asking me if i have one yet, and i guess in the back of my mind, i am hoping that in one of these tough classes, i'll find a super cute boy who will just want to teach me everything and we'll hit it off right away and it'll be amazing and we'll get married and have babies.... well that would be, could be what might happen. but i have to go to class and try and that would involve me getting out of my bed. well, maybe tomorrow.

maybe not tomorrow. it's labor day. which i never really understood. but that's a topic for another entry.